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Why Ethelred isn't consulted about church marketing

Jun 30, '08 6:27 AM
for everyone

I mentioned before about how our parish is likely going to have a full-body baptismal pool, rather like the ones in early churches (such as at Ephesus).

Yesterday at church I suggested we have a slogan:

"The Old Catholics. We baptize until the bubbles stop."

Oddly, this didn't seem to resonate.

Tags: funny, church, old catholics

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14 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

iambmetammy wrote on Jun 30

Hm, that's not a bad idea really... I mean they get baptized, the sins get washed away, they're reborn, etc. If you let them up they'd just go back out and live normal (but hopefully slightly better) lives and get all sullied with sin again. This way they die in a state of perfection.

Of course they're dead, which is a hard sell when you're trying to convert folks.

infinitemonkey wrote on Jun 30

iambmetammy said

Of course they're dead, which is a hard sell when you're trying to convert folks.

The other drawback is that the deceased tend to not put much money in the collection plate.

Cheers,

Ethelred

thortos wrote on Jun 30

I wonder why. I mean, after all, if they die from it, you've proven they're no witches and they go to heaven directly.

infinitemonkey wrote on Jun 30

Do not pass Go, do not collect 100 indulgences.

Cheers,

Ethelred

iambmetammy wrote on Jun 30

True, but that only matters if your goal is something other than making sure everyone gets to Heaven. :-P

infinitemonkey wrote on Jun 30

Oh sure, we just want to make some money doing it.

Cheers,

Ethelred

iambmetammy wrote on Jun 30

True, those liturgical vestments don't come cheap.

Maybe you could get them to sign over their possessions before their baptism?

siliconjesus wrote on Jun 30

Yeah, I'm running a bit low. How many Euro are indulgences again?

infinitemonkey wrote on Jun 30

They seem to be rather inflationary at the moment. Each time the priest asks me to do him a favor, I ask if I get some indulgences in return. He says sure, but each time the number goes up astronomically.

I think I'm up to the millions by now. Unfortunately, like frequent flier miles, they're non-transferable.

Cheers,

Ethelred

suldrew wrote on Jun 30

Also, like frequent flier miles, you can never use them at peak sin redemption times, only mid week in the off season.

nizo505 wrote on Jun 30

For insurance purposes, prior to baptism please sign this waiver (and don't read the fine print at the bottom).

ignoti wrote on Jun 30

It's no wonder your fancy-pants Euro-indulgences are so expensive. I buy mine every year from Father Croup of Our Lady of Bonaventure... next year I plan to splurge and buy the one with a piece of the True Cross.

infinitemonkey wrote on Jun 30

ignoti said

buy the one with a piece of the True Cross

You mean the Holy Toothpick?

Cheers,

Ethelred

ignoti wrote on Jun 30

I hadn't planned on using it for a tooth pick, but I suppose you could.

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